If you were abused as a child and you are reading this article, you are a survivor. Over the years, you probably developed some healthy ways of coping with the feelings of despair, betrayal, confusion, anger, or self-blame resulting from the abuse. You probably also developed some unhealthy ways of coping that are interfering with your ability to live the life you want now.
 

Begin with your inner resources. When you begin to face the effects the childhood abuse has had in your life, it may feel overwhelming and you may not know where to start. In therapy, you will learn to how to identify the inner resources you do already have- even if you despair that these strengths do not exist- and you will learn to find your own pace and move forward, building on these inner strengths.
 

Learn to include your body. If you were sexually abused as a child, you may not know how to recognize the tiny signs of healing, the subtle inner shifts that indicate you are letting go of the old wounding, because you may not know how to tune into your body without triggering the memories of abuse. In a safe and respectful therapy relationship, you can learn ways of connecting with the wisdom of your body and ways of healing the body memories. There are many ways to do this, but two self-care methods that abuse survivors have found especially useful are the Focusing technique and EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). Descriptions of both these approaches will be found in the Self-Care Article that will be posted soon. Once you have learned these approaches in therapy, they can become tools you can use every day to help you become empowered to manage intrusive emotions and move forward with your healing between therapy visits.
 

Safety. Another step in moving from Surviving to Thriving is establishing safety in your current life. Sometimes adult survivors find the abuse of childhood continuing in unsafe romantic relationships, abusive work environments, dangerous living situations, or even threats of harm from yourself. You may have developed unhealthy ways of numbing feelings: using alcohol or drugs, over-working, over-exercising, eating too much or too little, or establishing unhealthy patterns of control. Sometimes in therapy, we may need to look at the feelings of not deserving to have life go well or the feelings of not deserving to be protected. Once you have resolved some of those feelings, you will feel more comfortable making positive changes. It may take a while before these patterns get cleared, but keeping yourself safe in the present needs to be top priority.
 

Memories. Whenever you are comfortable talking about what happened to you, we will begin to address the abuse memories directly. It is important for you to speak your truth, to be heard and believed, to share your emotions- pain, anger, fear, despair, courage, hope- to begin to believe in yourself, and to know that you are not alone. For someone who was abused as a child- whether that abuse was sexual, physical or emotional- time does not seem to move in a linear way. Even though part of you moved forward in time and is an adult, there can be parts of yourself that feel frozen in time, still feeling like a child, re-living the trauma, and not living in the present. When you feel ready, we will choose a technique you are comfortable with- such as guided imagery, or perhaps writing, or simple drawings- to go back in time, bringing compassion and healing imagery to that wounded part of yourself- “rescuing” and “retrieving” the parts of you that feel frozen in time and bringing those parts of yourself forward into the safety of the present.
 

Body-Mind. When a person experienced abuse that was focused on their body- such as sexual abuse- talk therapy alone is usually not enough, and yet therapies which involve touch may feel unsafe. Fortunately, the field of psychotherapy is rapidly evolving and there are many body-mind therapies- both new and time-tested- that are very effective, and include the body, but do not involve touch. Approaches such as Body-Centered Imagery, Hakomi and other forms of body-centered psychotherapy, Ericksonian therapy, and Focusing all approach therapy from a holistic point of view, integrating body awareness with the tools of emotional healing. In addition, new body-mind techniques of Energy Psychology such as EFT and EMDR can provide surprisingly quick relief.
 

Personalized approach. Every survivor is unique, and everyone heals in a different way, at a different pace, and with different goals. Throughout my years as a therapist, I have studied many different approaches to therapy so we can customize the therapy to fit your needs and values. Together, we will collaborate to find an approach to therapy that helps you reach your life goals.
 

Beyond therapy. Your journey from Surviving to Thriving does not end with therapy. As your life becomes safer and you develop more skills in emotional self-regulation, there will be more time for the deepening the parts of life that give life meaning.
 

Perhaps you already know what you long to do. As a Thriver, perhaps you will explore the creative arts- writing, music, dance, or visual art. Perhaps you will spend more time in nature, or explore your spirituality, go back to school, volunteer to help others, play more sports, master new computer skills, or just be at peace with yourself at home.
 

As a child, you had few choices. You just had to cope with the situation you were in. But you survived. You made it through. Now can be the time to Thrive. It is time to reclaim your life and make it yours.
 

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Here are a few questions survivors often ask about recovery:
 

What if I’m not comfortable talking about what happened? As therapy begins, just tell me what you are comfortable saying. Allow time for the trust to build naturally. As you begin to feel more comfortable in therapy, you can speak about the more difficult topics.
 

A lot of my memories are not very clear. Can you still help me? Yes. Confusing memories are quite common for sexual abuse survivors. Depending on your age when the abuse happened, you may not have understood or you may have been overwhelmed by what was happening and the events were stored in your memory in fragmented way. We can begin with the memories you have, even if they are partial or conflicting.
 

We can’t change what happened to me. Why should I dredge it all up again? It is true that we can’t change what happened in the past, but what can change is the impact those events have on you in the present and in the future. As you learn how to heal and as you learn how to release the emotions from the past, you can create new possibilities for the rest of your life.
 

Do you use hypnosis to retrieve memories? I do not use hypnosis for memory retrieval. It is important for you to have confidence in your memories and survivors who have retrieved memories through hypnosis sometimes are troubled by whether or not the memories are accurate. I prefer to teach you techniques you can do in therapy and at home that allow the memories which are stored in your body-mind to arise and release naturally. You can learn to access the feelings and memories in your body in gentle ways, learning how to not be overwhelmed when memories and feelings arise.
 

Remember, you are not alone. Things can get better.

If you have questions, or for more information, please call Louise Jacobus, LMFT at 619-415-3568.